Preferred BBQ Sauce Base: Vinegar (32%), Mustard (24%), Tomato (30%), Racism (14%) #BBQStats

Date you’ll stop writing “2011” on checks: Feb 4 (22%); “What’s a check, grandpa?” (78%)

Enjoyment of cranberry sauce: Watching it slide out of the can: 98%; eating it: 2% #TurkeyStats

America’s favorite ghost: 53% Slimer from “Ghostbusters,” 33% Patrick Swayze in “Ghost,” 14% Patrick Swayze in reality. #SpookyStats

Costumes found scariest by adults: Prostate Cancer Ghost: 22%; Tax Audit Dracula: 31%; Public Speaking Werewolf: 47% #SpookyStats

45% of scat singers describe the economy as “dee-doo-doop,” 32% say “bibbity-bee-bop,” and 23% say “zippity zow zow zowwwwww.”

94% of deceased people have no response to Pew surveys, 3% respond by rapping on tables, 2% via Ouija boards, and 1% by possessing snowmen.

100% of lasers are FUCKING AWESOME.

When asked what the greatest problem facing the country is, 88% of all ex-girlfriends responded, “Oh…nothing. *sigh*”

78% of you are reading this right now.