Tonight’s burst of Twitter activity brought to you by a 14 month old who woke up at 4am and I couldn’t fall back asleep.

In 5th grade I stole candy from a kid at recess. I was taunting him, running backwards, when I tripped and fell. Then he tripped and fell on me and broke my collarbone.

Actually all of my broken bones are pretty stupid…

1st grade: Friend and I were jumping off roof of small playhouse (maybe 5 feet tall). My shorts got caught in the edge of the roof and I fell forward pinning my arm between my chest and the ground. Hairline fracture.

Was warming up before a skateboarding competition, did a turn on a steep quarter pipe, fell and braced myself with my arm. It hurt a little and I kept asking my friends if it looked bent. Went to ER. Ended up being small hairline fracture. twitter.com/gommunisd/status/990…

Feeding Vera from the palm of my hand.

#VeraAddison instagram.com/p/BiNe4YvHXCO/

Breakfast time.

#ZadieAlyssa #VeraAddison instagram.com/p/BiHZ_lanBzk/

Took some convincing but Zadie eventually took a looking to my “Shake it like Elvis” peanut butter and chocolate milkshake.

#ZadieAlyssa instagram.com/p/BiD3ZcJHyXA/

Climbing trees.

#ZadieAlyssa instagram.com/p/BiD22ElHzdS/

Big bubbles.

#ZadieAlyssa instagram.com/p/BiD2fs0H0YR/

Dollhouseing.

#VeraAddison instagram.com/p/BiDJUMuHjfc/

I have the same birthday as the Library of Congress… only 185 years later. twitter.com/librarycongress/stat…

When I see the phrase “Cohen’s Third Client” I replace it with “Cohen’s Third Nipple”. Much more interesting headlines.

Think big. Play Small. Micro Machines.

I wonder what’s happening in Twitter?

*opens Twitter app*

*notices the date is April 1st*

*closes Twitter app*

*throws phone into the ocean*

Success!

Here picking up my passport. Lots of people here that I saw yesterday. Lucky to have grabbed street parking instead of having to pay parking garage prices.

Huzzah! twitter.com/kingkool68/status/90… I think? I hope it doesn’t suck. twitter.com/BreakingNews/status/…

I want to put this on a shirt. twitter.com/davatron5000/status/…

I was in and out in about 30 minutes at the regional passport office. Spent more time driving in traffic to get there. That’s a plus. The downside is my passport won’t be ready until 11:30am tomorrow so I have to go back to pick it up.