@DanielleAlberti They have such diverse monsters and physical characteristics yet all of their toilets are the same

* Playing pretend food order *

3 year old: Ok do you want pizza, quesadilla, yogurt?

Me: Yea sounds good. Can it be delivered?

3 year old: Yea! Ok thank you!

* Hangs up phone *

Me: Did you give them our address? What is our address?

3 year old: Yea! A Moana dress!

@elgreg Stool loosener medicine

@sarah_edo I found the best lifehack

twitter.com/kingkool68/status/12…

Was it array.slice() or array.splice() 🤔 twitter.com/florinpop1705/status…

@SandyS1 No joke that receipt in the picture is for one item

@TheGreenGreek I plan on using CVS receipts.

twitter.com/kingkool68/status/12…

When we eventually run out of toilet paper we’ll have to fall back to CVS receipts

The US has such few test results for #coronavirus because they need to fly Maury Povich to each person’s house to dramatically read the results.

@fugularity I’ve got at least 2 producers here. I’m gonna be rich!

@Rmmmsy

@Rmmmsy twitter.com/kingkool68/status/12…

@mjacksonw @SpencerRhys You are brave.

@round When you do a Google search inject the results of a search of your tweets somewhere on the search results page

@jonathanober They’re at school for 1 more sweet glorious day before being off for 2 weeks since all schools are closing.

@miked1ck 1) My kids constantly tell me “I want to practice using the mouse”
2) They make paper laptops (paper folded in half with colored keys) so they can type and work too

Since everything is closing down because of #coronavirus I’m just going to hang out and play Mortal Kombat all day with the blood code on

BALLS twitter.com/nbcwashington/status…

@eco_apocalypse Unifi can do failover. You might be able to route different devices to different ISPs.

@kmelve Wank facing Himalays