@MikeNGarrett Oh yeah my 5 year old asks me about my internet friend having twins pretty much every other day.

“When are they coming?”

@dbanksDesign Or as my 3 year old calls them … “A roller coaster out of my mouth”

veraheimlich.com/instagram/vera-…

Went on a mini road trip today. More than an hour each way. After every direction on the GPS the 5 year old would say “Thanks Google”

@jenna It was a shock at first since the other kid needed to keep their routine going. Had our 3rd child 3 or 4 days ago and the 5 year old and 3 year old are excellent little helpers.

5 year old discovered a massive hornet (abdomen as big as my thumb) in the playroom this morning. I was able to trap it in a trashcan and get it outside eventually. Never a dull day around here.

5 year old: What can a refrigerator do with eyes and a mouth?

Me: I dunno. What?

5 year old: It can see and talk!

Me: Oh. It doesn’t eat all the food?

5 year old: No, it doesn’t have arms silly.

👀
👅

@shortxstack My 3 year old really digs the PBS Kids app. All kinds of games and stuff.

@randallb Never too late to improve on this forgotten skill. My 5 year old’s handwriting is almost as good as mine is.

@zachleat 3 year old: What does <graphic designer coworker> do?

Me: They color websites.

* 3 year old staring out kitchen window *

3 year old: LOOK DADDY! DEER! A BUNCH OF DEER!

Me: Oh yea, what do you think they’re doing?

* 3 year old stares intently out the window for several minutes *

3 year old: I think they’re going to eat small kids

😮

It’s Saturday so we decided to get food to go. Took the 3 year old with me and not even 5 minutes from our house she is already keeled over sound asleep.

5 year old started wearing flip flops from her room to the bathroom. She’s ready for that college dorm living.

@shortxstack My 3 year old has totally given up naps. Now it’s just meltdown terror before bedtime instead of midday meltdown terror.

@ckrewson My 5 year old has a Zoom call every morning with 30 participants (i.e. toddlers). When they unmute everyone it is pure terror.

5 year old: what do you call a ladder without handles?

Me: …

5 year old: STAIRS!

Her jokes are getting better folks.

My mornings are nothing but Zoom stand-ups now.

9:00am 5 year olds standup
10:00am 3 year olds standup
10:00am My standup
10:30am Wife’s standup

@dabernathy89 We’ve been hyping the arrival of “baby brother” coming in May. The 3 year old promises us she will help change his diapers and we even got her to give up her pacifier so baby brother can have it. Maybe the 2 year old will be super helpful.

3 year old: Guess what Daddy?

Me: What?

3 year old: I woke up today!

* I roll over and go back to bed *

* 5 year old playing store *

5 year old: Hi! Welcome to my store. Would you like to buy anything?

Me: Oh, I would but I don’t have any money.

5 year old: That is ok. Here is some money!

We’re playing government stimulus 💰

* While playing with Mama Roo baby rocker *

5 year old: There’s ocean sounds and tree sounds. Why is there no monster sound?

Me: Well wouldn’t that scare baby brother?

5 year old: No not if it’s a quiet monster…

* Whispers “roar” while making a monster face *